You already have it

I did an exercise yesterday, where I placed myself in the future where I already had what I needed. I already accomplished what I wanted.

“You already have freedom. Now what do you do?”

“You already have friends and community. Now what do you do?”

“Your health is amazing. Now what do you do?”

“Your house is a wonderful oasis you bring friends to, now what do you do?”

I realized a few things.

First, my house is not a wonderful oasis, and my health isn’t yet what I want. But I have a great community and lots of friends. I could lean into those areas harder, by simply letting go of the stories that keep me from really committing to the groups I am a part of, the stories that make me keep myself as a bit of an outsider.

And I already have freedom, so I don’t need to make 1 million dollars to get that. I don’t need to pay off all my loans.

I don’t need to protect myself from people, which is perhaps a massive motivation that makes me want financial independence. I think I need to be beyond certain material harms to be truly free to be myself.

But I do not.

I can be free to be myself now. I can truly love people openly right now. I can speak boldly and confidently now.

I can be who I want to be, right now.

So then, when I say “What do I want next?”, perhaps the answer is as simple as finding places in my life where I am not expressing these things.

The answer is perhaps… make your home what it could be. Make your office what it could be. Fix the things in your life that are falling apart, like the hole in the wall that’s been there for 2 years, waiting until you “get time for it”.

Have the faith needed in God that you will be able to be happy no matter what happens, and that every challenge you get is for your good.

What about a bit ambition? What about a big direction?

I think I will start to find that by living every day, authentically.

I had this beautiful experience of a deep and powerful conversation with a close friend, which makes me think that I could truly come from a place of peace, and be powerfully present in the lives of other people.

That I could make a powerful and bold invitation into the deep personal work that changes lives.

And that people really do want that.

But there’s more. There are other possibilities that start to open, as I put down this “need”.

I am realizing that I’m afraid not to have a big “need” for something, because it makes it difficult to navigate life. There is nothing telling me what to do. I have too much freedom, and it makes me uncomfortable.

In order to truly be at God’s disposal, that’s probably the place of freedom I need.

Remember the parable, where the King invites everyone to the feast? One is newly married, one has to go see about some land, and so on and so on. They all have goals that are keeping them from the abundant life God has right now, and so they miss out on what would truly satisfy.

How much then do we miss what truly satisfies us, because we’re putting a lot of obstacles and complexity in the way? What would be different if there was no fear, and no complex stories to protect our egos from the risk of not knowing the outcome of a bold outcome?

What would be possible if we were open to what’s next, to being in our present moment in a posture of relaxed open readiness? Ready to receive the gifts and opportunities God places in our path every day, to be loving and present and appreciative of the people around us?