While reading this book Straight Line Leadership, he talks about choosing interior stances.
What stance could I choose with my kids, who are driving me batty today?
All of them are having meltdowns. And there I am telling them “The problem is how you’re thinking about this”. Meanwhile I am getting angry because they’re all screaming and not listening to this great insight I have and immediately applying it.
It’s quite possible to recognize you are choosing something, but not see what you could choose differently.
He says that until you can see the distinction, you can’t use it, and I am seeing this in practice. I could not quite see how I could be different.
Perhaps the stance is simply accepting that this is expected and normal and part of parenting – kids whine a lot, they are hard to raise, and I should stop expecting them to be grown-ups (while still aiming for them to become, at some point, grown-ups). To see an opportunity in their meltdown to love them.
After some time away, doing some errands, I was able to come back and have all the kids help me make pizza, which in our house is a full afternoon of work. There were some complaints and whining, but this time I tried to see this as an opportunity, and the rest of the day was better.
You can always, at any point, choose something else. It can be turned around.
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