I spent a lot of today grasping for rest. Trying to get the kids distracted all at the same time so I could try to take a nap. And another nap, because one little naplet wasn’t enough. Because I’m beyond tired.
And it made me kind of grumpy and yelly. Because the kids didn’t really cooperate with my designs, and it made me mad. Because I feel like it’s up to me to make sure that I get the rest I need to be able to take care of my family. Because I’m desperate for control over a situation that feels out of control. Because I’m afraid.
It’s always fear that makes my inner control freak come out. This time I’m afraid that I won’t be able to do all the things that I need to do, and care for all the people I need to care for (including myself). That God won’t give me what I need to fulfill my vocation, so I’d better go get it myself.
God will give me sleep if I need sleep. He will give me health if I need health. He will provide everything I need to do the work he has given me, and to care for all he has asked me to steward.
And the corollary: God will give me bronchitis if I need bronchitis. Thank you God for this bronchitis. Thank you for all the gifts I resist. You have a plan, Lord, and your plan is better than my plan.
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